Fakery and respect for one’s self...

This week upon conversations held with a number of people at university, I have decided to delve into discussing fakery. Apologies in advance if I offend anyone. My intention is to get you all thinking and talking NOT to attack anyone’s personal image/style. 

Girls and guys these days are so preoccupied in trying to look a certain way, which I guess is governed by the media and what celebrities look like. It’s all a bit mind boggling to me, perhaps because I’ve never sort of looked up to celebrities, I just think of them as normal human beings and don’t see what the fuss is all about. I mean I respect certain people but that doesn’t mean I want to know what they do in their spare time, who and when they hook up with or be like them. I’ve never really read magazines and quite frankly would much rather read a book than the latest Heat. 

Okay someone famous may wear something nice and you might want it cos it looks good, but copying outfits, make-up, basically the whole look and attitude to life completely, WHY? Surely, you’d want your own style? I don’t understand people who aspire to look like Beyonce with her bum pads or Victoria Beckham with her fake boobs or whoever. It’s so aggravating to see young girls of today growing up so fast desiring to appear like unrealistic images of females. These women need to understand that they hold an important influential role in the lives of many. They live lives where they aren’t burdened with stress and hard work that comes with normal daily life, they don’t have to do chores or have to deal with financial woes. They shop when they are bored, that too with the assistance of a personal shopper to hold bags and a chauffer to drive them to and fro. They have professional make-up artists and hair stylists to ensure that they look good all day, every day. Holidays, fine dining, expensive health care regimes and time are all in abundance to such individuals. This is not reality for most so why compare yourselves to such standards. 

College was like a catwalk, I remember the horror of discovering some girls woke up and took two-three hours getting ready every morning, and I would do anything for an extra 2-3 minutes in bed! Maybe, if I contrast my morning to that you can compare. Wake up at 8, hop in the shower, pull on something clean before grabbing some toast and leaving the house by 8.25, legging it to the bus stop, JUST ABOUT making it before first class at 9. It’s the same at uni, my house mates and peers will vouch for my alarm going off 15minutes before I have to leave, bed hair and arriving at lectures a tad disorientated. I remember once walking into the ladies bathroom in college to wash my hands and basically having to fight my way to the sink because so many girls were stood checking themselves out and fixing their appearances.  It was ridiculous; I swear I heard too many conversations which basically consisted of ‘what shall I wear tomorrow? – No, I wore that last week,’ and ‘oh, I don’t have anything to wear, I need to go shopping.’ [Ironically coming from girls I’d never seen wearing the same outfit twice.] Quite often also, it was simply too damn much, remember less is more with make up, caking yourself in foundation and looking like a hot sticky mess when the sun comes out is not a good look!

Let’s look at the variety of things possibly fake on a ‘sexy’ woman these days, from head to toe: fake hair extensions/weave, permanently straightened hair, hair dye, fake eye lashes, coloured contact lenses, nose job, lip implants, teeth whitening/cosmetic dentistry, botox, face lift, an inch of make up/permanent make up, take tan, boob job/push up bras/chicken fillets, fake nails, liposuction/tummy tuck and finally bum implants/bum pads. That’s a list of the most common things that I can think of off the top of my head, I found a more definitive list of procedures available through my good friend Google if any of you are interested: http://www.imagemagazineonline.com/IMAGEFall08.pdf. Scroll down to pages 70 to 73. Not cool. I remember in my early teens when boob jobs were something new/shocking and were frowned upon by society; now they are so common that no one thinks twice about them and every Tom, Dick and Harry has them. Actually maybe that should read every Jane, Chloe and Katy has them, you know what I mean. I mean personally plastic surgery is a no go area in my eyes unless you have a medical condition/have some kinda major third degree burns or something that is actually preventing you from being normal and getting on with life, that or boob reduction. (I hear all the boys/men complaining but I'm not even gonna defend it.). Not because you are a pre-pubescent 16 year old wanting boobs which are too big for your frame! God made you a certain way, be grateful you have all your limbs and functioning body parts you ungrateful twits!

I once saw this show on telly a while ago where a short East Asian man was considering going through a medical procedure to potentially add a couple of inches to his structure. I’m not being funny but most Chinese men and women are small, that’s just the way it is. The process to make him taller involved BREAKING HIS LEGS and placing something between his shattered skeleton so the bones would essentially grow around the metal I think it was, thereby elongating them. *SHOCK**HORROR* *REVULSION* *DISMAY* *PITY* 

Come on guys and girls, can’t we love ourselves without enhancements?! What is the reason behind hating yourself in your natural state so damn much? Why do you need to change yourself so damn much for you to be happy/confident? Is it about attracting the opposite sex or is it about feeling good about yourself? Cos quite often you claim it’s the latter, but show signs that it’s quite obviously the former you are attempting.

What I also don’t understand is that with all this fakery, why does your mental state change to mush too? Why is it that upon donning some skimpy outfit and a tonne of make up that your attitude and mentality suddenly also changes to that of a ditzy, stupid little girl?! HOW ON EARTH CAN YOU TELL ME THAT YOUR APPEARANCE GIVES YOU CONFIDENCE WHEN YOU’RE NOT ABLE TO BE YOURSELF AND HAVE TO RE-ENACT A BRAINLESS, GIGGLY, NAÏVE GIRL, RATHER THAN THAT CLEVER, SOPHISTICATED, INDEPENDENT WOMAN YOU STRIVE TO BE?! Where is your respect for yourself? Yeah, that’s what I thought, hiding under that hideous mask!

I am actually amused by the fact that guys/girls complain that the opposite sex does not appreciate/respect them and they can’t find that special someone when they come across as a materialistic and self-obsessed individual. Complaints about not being treated right and all that jazz. Clearly, your exterior is attracting the wrong kinds of people, be it the opposite gender or friends. If you want my advice in finding someone special/some solid friends, someone that really loves and values you, here it is: Go out looking your absolute worst, or at least go out looking simple without your boobs hanging out/without rocking your designer gear, and the person that respects you for you, who doesn’t make sleazy jokes with lame ass chat up lines, who can see your beauty is more than skin deep, who is able to hold actual meaningful conversations with you and treats you the way that you deserve, SNAP HIM/HER UP! You have to love yourself for who you are before you can expect someone else to love you. It’s that simple, yet so many people still don’t seem to understand. 

I hear you feminists crying out that women should be able to sell their bodies for sex and be able to move on from partner to partner like the men do. Shut up already. It is not cool. It is DEGRADING. Being a glamour model is not a frikking aspiration, its not empowering, it’s a joke. How on earth can you question where chivalry has disappeared, ain’t no one gonna respect you when they too darn busy drooling! What happened to aging gracefully, what happened to being mature and growing up, more and more women are clutching on to their younger years, giggling away. Well the joke’s on you. Stop trying to stay young for as long as humanely possible, and embrace your body. And what is up with us worshipping Gok Wan, why you gotta look naked when you can look good clothed?! You should leave looking good naked for the bedroom not for national TV! 

So, where do we draw the line, obviously either end is hard to achieve, most people want to put in some ‘effort’ with their appearances but when is it too much eh, what do you think? Guys I want your opinions on what you think about girls who are fake and whether or not you even like it when girls go the extra mile, and girls, I want your opinions on what you deem is a good level of personal beautification. 

-K

Desensitisation.

Okay so this week’s topic is desensitisation. Let me elaborate. I am referring to us being less mentally and emotionally affected by the happenings around us. In a sense we are more and more detached from other human beings to the point where we are not concerned about others’ and their distress. 

Take for example, knife crime: here in the UK it is at a stupendously high rate. I think in London at one stage it was practically one death per week, bearing in mind that not many who are stabbed actually die and also that many people who are stabbed don’t actually seek any form of healthcare, figures are higher than those in the reports. Now, it seems that we hear of people getting stabbed so darn often that we just shrug and shake our heads, it no longer has a profound shocking impact on our state of mind. I remember when Damilola Taylor was stabbed and it blew up in the press. It was such a horrific story. But now, they’ve stopped reporting it on the news on TV because it’ simply happens too often, people are almost, bored of it all. Even in the papers and online there are only ever a few brief articles. I remember at one stage being astonished at the way in which I would see short piece in the Metro about the latest stabbing and simply skim reading it to see where the stabbing took place and what age the victim was, simply to identify whether or not I knew the person; I should have felt some kind of remorse, but in fact I was just filtering out articles because it was all too familiar a story. Sad, very sad. Sometimes, it only hits home how big the problem is when someone you know is a victim. One of my friends from college who lived round the block from me lost his life over a mobile phone. A PHONE FFS. Pardon my French. Lives have been lost over petty things, money (often over a trivial amount I spend on actual rubbish a day or less), phones, reputation and even just looking at someone the wrong way. What’s wrong with the youth of today, eh?

I feel like I’m a little out of touch with that whole life now in Southampton and even when I’m in London since I’m grown up, I’m not surrounded by rowdy youngsters (God, I sound like a moany pensioner!). I don’t go looking for trouble. In fact, I feel like I’m far more precautious than most, particularly in Southampton simply because I’ve had a somewhat tainted upbringing, hearing and seeing things that children/teenagers should not have to endure. Things that I didn’t even think twice about at the time assuming it was normal around the country: recognising the smell of weed in year 7, witnessing HUGE fights with bricks and bats (I remember not even being allowed out of school on one occasion simply because there were crowds of people from a neighbouring school waiting outside for a fight,) taking my tie and jumper off on the way home on days of fights simply so I wouldn’t incur trouble on my way home, seeing people getting their phones nicked (or jacked for all you ghetto kids =P), hearing the sound of a gun fired, all sorts of crap… Crap that none of us deserve to be around. I don’t want my kids to be around that kind of atmosphere growing up. But then, at the same time, I don’t want them to be out of touch with the brutal reality that exists and leave them naive to it all. I guess a balance needs to be struck. Sometimes I think my upbringing led me to be street wise. But then I think maybe I’m simply excessively paranoid. Hmm… Some people of course take the opposite approach when they come to a new place which is ‘safer,’ choosing to take more risk because they don’t deem their new surrounding to be ‘dangerous.’ 

Quite often though I think to myself, things aren’t actually as bad as people make them out to be. It’s not like we don’t have shelter and food, apparently a lot of us even have money for designer clothes and shoes! Many teenagers I think even emulate the concept of a ghetto often and use it almost as an excuse. Because really and truly most of us don’t even have it that bad. Many will choose to adopt the rude boy/girl persona, not caring, speaking slang, dressing with your jeans so low you find it hard to walk/in enough bling to run a jewellery shop and simply making out that life is so hard for you. Banging on about where you’re from, reppin’ your post code (or ends), using it as an identity and looking down on others from a different area. It’s not cool. Face the facts, opportunities are there for you to rise above such things and grow up, you just have to be big enough to stand out from the crowd and take them. Yeah it might not be cool to be a ‘boffin’ but in the long run, it will be. Stop aspiring to be like the people you see on telly. They sure ain’t ghetto. Let me quote one of the lines from one of my favourite artists, Akala which sums up my point: “its just a bunch of lies that we perpetuate ourself, being from the hood is not a definition of self, circumstances don’t define you, you define you… Forget reppin’ the ends, what the ends do for you, you’re worth so much more, if only you knew… All these rappers on the TV, talking shit about how much they bust their strap and yah yah yah, yout dem don’t listen to them, their talking nonsense, they live in big nice houses, they got security and body guards to take care of them, its an illusion you understan’? All the bitches and the chains and the necklaces in the video, its just bollocks man, that’s nobody’s reality, when did the hood become so sweet, that’s not any hood I ever been in, you understan’? The hood I know is miserable, the hood I know everybody’s trying to get out of, so why, why all these rappers dying to get back in it? Dying to be rude boys, when all the rude boys are dying to be legitimate, so, it’s just nonsense man, be honest, just be yourself.” A very talented individual with a brain and a half, check it out for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GmULI8_hcG4

 

Another thing that adds to the problem is the media. Video games, the boys will hate me for saying it but call of duty, what on EARTH?! Just mindless killing other soldiers or whatever, I can’t say I know a lot about it but I’ve watched my brother play it. From my perspective all I see is your character strolling around various settings killing others and being killed. WHY?! What is the actual point?! Doesn’t it desensitise you to death and shooting?! I can’t relate at all. I play old school games, like Tetris and random car racing, next to that I simply don’t understand things like Grand Theft Auto where you randomly nick other people’s cars after you kill them and basically run around town committing crime after crime after crime. It bewilders me, what do you actually gain from this?! Surely exposing yourself to such circumstances can’t be good for your mind. I’m not saying that you’ll go round killing people and you’re all stupid or anything at all (although some individuals have done so in the past) but it simply makes you more tolerant to such happenings when they do occur in reality. And what about films? They have some blame to take. Like saw for example, essentially is all about a dude playing torturing mind games thriving in people’s painful and bloody ends. Things like Rambo, which simply exaggerate reality and portray stunts where an individual takes on an army (maybe I’m exaggerating now). I’m not in any way claiming I’m above watching such films although I can’t help but get bored. I watched Kick Ass recently, and I loved the film but it was a tad overboard. Especially at the end where the little girl basically took on a dozen or so grown men.  All these films and games though have ratings. Interestingly the ratings have changed throughout the years, what was once a 15, is now a 12; and what was once an 18 is now a 15… We’re exposed to such things at a younger age. Kids are growing up too quickly for their own good. But that is another discussion completely. Also kids are able to watch/play things that are above their ratings with the introduction of the internet. What is stopping children from pressing the ‘I agree,’ button on 4oD to a show aimed at 18+ year olds? What’s stopping them from going to a friend’s house and playing an older siblings game? What’s stopping them from streaming shows and downloading things that they simply shouldn’t have access to? Parental controls online? How many people actually use these though and you can’t enforce these restrictions everywhere the child uses a computer can you? I don’t mean to be treading on toes, and I apologise if I’m making out that kids are stupid but what my aim here is to remind you how impressionable they are. All I’m attempting to say is that all these little things add up and do affect your mentality over time. 

Lastly, let’s talk about the world. Why do we no longer care (much) about happenings and disasters occurring to fellow mankind? Wars, floods, lack of food and water; all these things and many, many more things are happening which are detrimental to someone/people’s existence… And we’re worried about some random trivial aspect of our life. We just overlook other people, so long as we are okay. Ultimately the suffering and death of other people is just numbers on a page, right? WRONG. We really need to care more. Innocent people are dying every where and we seem not to care. Check out this blog post: http://dubble-you-tee-ef.blogspot.com/2011/02/price-of-freedom-graphic-content.html, it really opens your eyes to some serious issues. I think it’s time we started being grateful for what we have. 

I think that’s all for now, feel like I've been ranting throughout, it would be interesting to hear your thoughts and views about this topic.

Manners on TfL and in general for that matter.

So a few weeks ago while I was waiting patiently for the central line at Holborn station I was lucky enough to have the doors open right in front of me! I was stood behind the line so there wasn't too much space between me and the door, (I have no spatial awareness so I shan't attempt to guess the precise distance). Anyway, since it appeared that no one was exiting the carriage I attempted to board the train when suddenly a man who appeared out of no where and side stepped into the narrow space between myself and the door and rushed onto the train, running like he'd seen gold (i.e. A seat).

I was taken aback and in shock. I felt as though not only my personal space was violated but as if I had been done wrong. Isn't it common courtesy to follow a loose queue system to board trains? It took me a few milliseconds to register the occurrence that had just taken place. Another gentleman, who I later discovered was an acquaintance to the first gestured 'after you,' and after thanking him I entered the carriage.

As I stood in the aisle of the train, I heard the friend state: 'koi sharam nahin hai,' translated loosely as [he] has no shame for those who aren’t familiar with Hindi. The guy promptly stood up realising his friend was speaking about him and offered me his throne. (i.e. Tube seat). I politely refused. Interestingly he avoided any eye contact with me and his friend for the duration of the journey, choosing instead to busy himself with his phone.

Now the question today is are we losing our reputation of being one of the most polite nations. And why is it that Londoners quite often are considered an exception to this claim... Is it just the sheer volume of people in London that force us to think of number one? Also it has come to my attention that there are people who are a fair deal more respectful and polite than us British folk. In Japan there are different levels of 'bows' and titles for everyone you talk to etc.

How is it that we manage to remember our ‘ps and qs’ when it comes to inanimate objects (somehow apologising to walls when we walk into them and thanking cash machines) but somehow are oblivious of the people around us. Old people no longer seem to be getting seats on buses, pregnant women are regularly ignored, it often seems as though we eliminate and minimise conversation with people around us. And why on earth are we always in a rush? (Minus those like myself who usually run 15minutes late everywhere!!)

When I compare a typical bus journey in Southampton to that in London it's difficult not to see the difference. In London when using the bus people avoid eye contact, tap their oyster card and shuffle on down the bus. Contrasting Southampton where you have a mini conversation with the driver, greeting and thanking the driver after you purchase or swipe a ticket. Once I got on a bus with tonnes of bags and the driver even stood up, took my ticket from me, swiped it and returned it to me. (There’s no glass shield, blocking the driver and the passengers in case you Londoners are wondering.)

Now, on the flip side, are we polite to the point of being fake? Is it that when we apologise and thank people we're no longer genuine? Are we just saying these things to fill an awkward silence and do we feel as though we’re uttering these things from societal pressures? I mean, I personally feel rude when I don’t thank others and am unappreciative of their assistance. It’s often very endearing to hear people express their gratefulness over the little things that frequently go unnoticed. 

So guys and girls, my request this week is as follows, say thanks more often. SMILE!! Spread a little gratitude around, it seriously does make a difference. I know whilst I was working at Waitrose I found it endearing when people acknowledged my work, especially over the Christmas manic periods… It really can make the difference between a good and bad day! (And those of you who regularly thank printers and apologise to machinery, you are excluded!)

Have a good week, and thanks for sparing the time to read my latest post!

-K

Blog post number two!

I’ve just noticed that my last blog post also was posted on a Monday, perhaps I shall aim for a weekly post. Not too ambitious but also won’t mean I’ll prolong posts too, I’ll try and make it a routine. At one stage this week I even thought, ‘why do you have a blog, you don’t have enough to say,’ however, I had a very mentally stimulating conversation tonight with a special person who reminded me of why I set this blog up in the first place... [You know who you are. This one’s for you!]

During a superb dinner with the greatest company a very interesting dialogue commenced regarding people and social habits within communities. (All the more relevant in diverse environments such as London.) So, question of the day. Mosaic vs. Melting pot? What on Earth is this plonker talking about this time with I hear you question!? Well let me elaborate my loyal literary lovers. (See what I just did there?! Alliteration. Okay, I’ll try and be less of a loser now).

Let me define the two terms I just utilised:

*Mosaic – A picture created with clusters of small colourful cubic pieces of tiles/glass etc. 

*Melting pot – Somewhere that colours are able to mix with each other, bubbling and boiling with no boundaries.

Now, apply these two concepts to people, cultural diversity being represented through colours, thus bringing life to the aforementioned metaphor. In the case of the former, a mosaic, people within a community would be living alongside one another, however choosing to remain within their social/cultural boundaries (i.e. colours) and contrast it with the theory of a melting pot where people freely mix without considering the heritage of individuals, living with one another, conducting interracial relationships and truly accepting one another. 

As with everything, each of the above comes with both advantages and drawbacks. Let’s discuss. On the one hand, under a preliminary examination the latter, the melting pot theory, may seem to be perfect, perhaps some may even refer to it as a utopian society. Surely, we should all be for a place where no one judges another person by the colour of their skin and their beliefs…? Should we not all be attempting to integrate with one another, after all, we have so much to learn from one another, particularly from others with backgrounds different from our own…? Just because someone is different, it doesn’t mean that person is bad/wrong/harmful…? It definitely would solve some of the big issues we have right, no more ‘politically correct,’ terminology, no more racism and looking down at others with an air of superiority, plus genetically, mixed-race offspring are better off and less susceptible to disease etc right…?

But hold on, what about culture, what about heritage, what about roots? If we’re all pro-mixing, (especially with the internationalisation of the world) won’t we all be the same after a few generations…? Won’t we lose our ancestry and all those customs and traditions that take a multitude of centuries to embed within people…? All the beautiful aspects of each country, religion and even social class, lost and never to be resurrected, simply left behind as a fading memory? I think you’ll agree, a painful thought. In order not to lose our beautiful differences, surely, we should reside within our own assigned borders (not physically! – more of a mental approach, making a conscious decision to learn your own language, visit your country every so often, participating in festivals, following religions etc.) Obviously, being separated from those similar to yourselves makes it a fair deal harder not to lose touch with your background, especially if you are brought up in a diverse environment, ultimately, with others you seek common ground. 

I do think that we have much to learn from one another. Other perceptions and outlooks can broaden our minds and improve many things. But I do appreciate our differences too. I love that I went to a school where we were so diverse, that we only had one White kid in the class, and even he wasn’t British. I love that despite that, we were able to mingle and make all sorts of racial, stereotypical jokes and insult one another, and not with a malicious, bitter or vicious intent, but for the sheer humour! However, as I’ve grown up, I’ve noticed that people either consciously or subconsciously (not sure which is worse to be honest!) tend to opt for their own ‘type.’ I've realised that I can no longer make such comments without others perceiving me as disrespectful. In college, there were visually obvious delegated hanging out places, differentiating the Asians, the Blacks and the albeit few, Whites. At Uni, the international kids also tend to make a pact. Why is there this sudden need for lack of a better word, belonging, it sure wasn’t around when we were younger?!

Think about it. I sure will be. I can’t help but think there will be a follow up post to this...

On a lighter note, please do post your comments, suggestions and feedback my way. I would really appreciate it. I need to know if you fell asleep half way, want more jokes, thought it was too long/too short or if you simply adored it and can’t wait for the next one.

Night night.

-K